Saturday, February 12, 2011

Feeling like a Mamma bear

I'm feeling very Mamma Bear the last couple of days. Choices that my daughter's birth mother made have come home to roost and will have a profound and lifelong impact on my daughter.

We knew about these choices. We researched the implications. We accepted the risks, and we adopted our amazing little girl. The clinical evaluation is a far cry from the reality of the challenges my daughter will now deal with.

We started to notice behaviours over the summer. Given her genetic history, we acted immediately. The pediatrician expressed amazement that we had noticed and acted on it so early. I know my kid. I know what she does and now I know why. It is what it is, and we'll deal with it.

I'm struggling with rage right now. I know the birth mother was terrified that no one would adopt her child because of her drug use. She thanked us again and again for accepting her baby, while we thanked her again and again for giving her to us. The choice to make an adoption plan is never easy, and it's what will get me through this rage. She made bad choices, and then made a loving choice for the future of her child. I'll get back to grateful, but I need to be mad just a little longer.

My protective instincts have kicked in and I'm on Mamma Bear high alert. I will educate myself, and then I will educate others, and advocate for my kid.  She wondered a bit about the big words the doctors were using because we were talking about her. I told her all it meant was we all have different ways of coping with life. I stress eat and write. Grandpa buries himself in work. Grandma worries. And now we know what she does. It's not wrong. It's not weird. It's just her way of coping with life and we will just explain that to other people.

Nothing has changed. My wonderful child is still my wonderful child. My instincts were right and now we move forward, coping and adapting to whatever comes. But don't mess with Mamma bear.


Bonnie Zink said...

Thanks for sharing, Lisa. I know that you are strong enough and filled with more than enough love for your darling little girl that any challenge will be overcome. You are always in my thoughts.

Heather said...

bless you and your family, Lisa. You are a smart, strong woman, you will get through this, and your daughter is so lucky to have you by her side.

Atlantic Writer said...

Mamma Bear is just what your little cub needs right now. You ahve the strength, love and faith to do what is best for all of you. Your little one is blessed to have a Mama like you.

Janet Jarrell said...

I have been away from the blog a bit, and I am now reconnecting. I really like this honest post - have come to expect nothing less from you - it really speaks to me about acceptance, and in that there is understanding and healing.